I’m an Anglophile and my “new” favorite British TV show is “As time goes by” (a show that lasted from 1992 to 2005). It’s about two old lovers rekindling their love 30 years or so later, and is quite an eye-opener on courtship. The main characters always compare how courtship now and then is completely different. Courtships nowadays are moving too fast, happening too soon: if you don’t “put out” within a month, or kiss on a first date you are considered a prude. I don’t have a problem with people having sex within a month or even on a first date, I don’t have a problem with that whatsoever, but I have a problem when it’s expected from everyone. If it happens that I am like that society deems it okay, but if my views are different I’m suddenly sullied with the title of “Prude”. To be quite franc I couldn’t care less what anyone thinks of me, but I’m shocked to how I am viewed based on uncustomary expectations. Since I’m not going to change my views for someone else’s opinions, I’m going to keep being me. And darling I am fabulous!
One thing that I think is important when entering/wanting courtship is to first think about yourself in an objective and a subjective manner. You need to ask yourself questions: who are you? Do you love yourself? Do you accept yourself? Do you truly accept yourself for who you are? What are your flaws? What flaws are urgent for you to change? Are you changing for yourself or to get someone? Would you date yourself? Are you a good person? If not, what needs changing? These are extremely important questions to answer because keep in mind that when going into a relationship, two personalities will merge; so if you can’t stand yourself, how can someone else stand you? It is not the job of your significant other to fix you, that job is solely yours. They can guide you to a certain direction, but to get a significant other in order to fix you is setting yourself up for heartbreak. Remember by asking yourself these questions you are a taking steps to becoming a better you. My motto has always been be a person that you’d be best friends with. One thing I need to emphasize and re-emphasize: do these changes for you and only you! I hear people saying that they need to loose weight to get a man or be a bodybuilder to get a woman. That’s not the way to go about it! It’s okay to loose weight, it’s okay to be a bodybuilder, nothing wrong with having those type of goals but do it to improve your confidence because once you do it for you, you will keep it up and it will become easier to do.
Face your insecurities! Be a better you! This list has always helped me, hopefully it will for you.
1) Exercise if you can. I notice that weight has always played a role in someone’s confidence: if you are heavy, you have low self-esteem whereas if you are thin or fit, you have high self-esteem. This is where the question “do you accept yourself?” comes in. If you don’t accept yourself physically you have two choices: change by exercising and modifying your diet or stay as you are and accept it.
2) Expand your mind. Have you ever been amongst people talking about matters you don’t know anything about? I have and felt so dumb that I wanted to go hide in the bathroom. Suggestions: know about current events, read, watch the latest movies, go to art galleries and so on. Do things in every aspect of life so you can have an idea of what the world is. Simple example, I went to a social gathering and a guy asked me if I ever went skydiving, I answered no I haven’t but I’ve gone river rafting! And to be honest, I felt great!
3) Go back/finish school. If you’ve always wanted to go back to school, now is the time! Go for it! If you did go but left without finishing, go back! I’m trying to complete my Masters and it’s freaking hard but I know that once I’m done, I’ll have such a sense of accomplishment.
4) Get a hobby.
5) Go for nightly walks. I love walking at night under the stars because it clears my head. The point of this step is to do something that brings you inner peace, to have a “me time”.
6) Learn something new. This might be a new language, a new skill, a new dance move, a new instrument! Learning is good! (This might fall under get a hobby.)
7) Make a bucket list! Make a weekly/monthly/yearly bucket list. Make realistic lists, things you wish to accomplish in a certain amount of time, update the list regularly. Each time you accomplish something your confidence will increase!
The purpose of this new post is to explain that a courtship starts with you. Confidence is not only the sexiest asset but also the most important one. These steps are meant to help you with your confidence, increase it so you can become a better version of you.