It’s been such a long time since I’ve written that I had forgotten the name of my own blog! Sad yet hilarious! So why am I back? The thought of reinstating my blog came up when I was interviewed by my cousin for a class project. She asked me if I could choose one word to describe myself what would it be? Without hesitating, I responded changeable. My life is changeable. I’m a work in progress: I’m always taking two steps forward and five steps back, experimenting to see if this will work for me and if not then I’ll try that. Honestly, I didn’t forget about the blog, I was ashamed of it. Ashamed of not accomplishing what I set out to do; please understand that I said accomplishing, not failing. Failing means trying and not succeeding, whereas not accomplishing means giving up mid-way. I have this awful habit of never finishing what I started and I only became like this in my adult life. As a child, stress was a rush for me. I would start multiple projects at once for the stress of it but finished them at the designated deadlines nonetheless. Finishing what I started, as a child, gave me a sense of satisfaction, a sense of well-being, a sense of victory. I am trying to go back to that state of mind, not necessarily beginning multiple tasks at once, but finishing a started task. The simple truth is I’ve become lazy, complacent, boring (granted the term “boring” is very subjective). Whenever I would start something, I would talk myself out of it thinking I’d have time to do it later, or I’ll do it some other time, and eventually I either forget to do it or completely loose interest. I need to change this form of plateau, I need to fight this life or death situation. Yes, it is life or death because of you remain immobile your entire life, you’re no longer living but existing, if you’re not creating change or making an impact, you might as well be dead.
This is in a sense my awakening. My goal for today is to figure out what my chores for the week will be and organize them. Once that’s figured out, I’m going to post my schedule and update every time I’m done with a chore. This will be my form of accountability.